Writing a Latin Dedication for my book

Photo by Mathew Schwartz on Unsplash

I've been working on writing a Latin dedication poem for the novella I am planning to self-publish. For whatever reason I decided that I wanted it to be a Sapphic Stanza à la Catullus 51. The meter for a Sapphic Stanza is:

The '—' is a long syllable, 'u' a short syllable, and the 'x' can be either long or short.

So far so simple, but when I sat down to write it took me the better part of a day to come up with this:

Christe dono omnia quae mihi per
Matrem-- et librum quoque si istum amas tu.
Det libellus gloriolam quiete
Nunc tibi, Rex mi.

Translation:

Christ, I give all things which are mine through
the mother—and the book too if you love such a thing.
Let it give a little glory quietly
Now to you, my King.

I wasn't too happy with this for a number of reasons. It's 100% meter driven and it didn't say what I wanted it to say, really. Dono omnia was awkward because two vowels normally do elide and I needed them not to. A lot of words were left out, not because I didn't want them but because I couldn't fit them and I felt like the Latin itself was pretty awkward from the perspective of either Classical or Church Latin.

I got feedback from one of my former professors which confirmed for me that the poem was a mess and so I came up with a totally new second version:

Christe, dono per Genetricem haec quae
sunt mihi. Prudens tibi cuncta dono,
Et libellum hunc, si diligendus est, Rex.
Det tibi laudem.

Translation:

Christ, I offer through the Genetrix these things which
are mine. Prudently, I offer you all things,
And also this little book, if it is worthy to be valued, King.
Let it give you praise.

I'm much happier with this version because it says what I wanted it to say, it fits the meter, and the Latin just seems to work better. One of my former professors also liked it so that was good news. I think I will use this as the dedication for my new book.

Have you ever written a Latin poem or do you like to read Latin poetry? I'd love to read your thoughts in the comments below.